I'm so done!
no one gets it. i feel like no one can possibly understand how i feel or why i feel that way. i am just so freaking done. i absolutely cannot live like this. i have thought only briefly about suicide, but i am way to afraid of not making it into heaven and spending eternity in hell. sometimes i think about if i attempting suicide but like not completely kill myself so i could get admitted into one of those weird places so i could leave my life at least for a few weeks. i know it is such a selfish thought, and of course i would never do it because then i'd be taking a spot in there from someone else and i would just be seen as a attention seeking teenage girl. right now i can hear my parents in the other room talking about what a messed up failure i am, which obviously makes me feel so much better about everything. i want to just run outside and run and run until im far away and just lay down in the freezing cold air and stay there forever. if only i could.
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